Before you begin dating a number of girls, it’s possible you’ll need to learn this text earlier than doing something dangerous. Dating a couple of ladies at a time is fraught with risks and controversy, and the one solution to keep protected (and sane) is to be 100% ready.
First off: In case you’re feeling dangerous concerning the urge to this point a number of girls, don’t be. As human beings, we’re all pushed primarily by the hardwiring that Mother Nature has left in our brains. And whereas girls are pushed to search out the absolute best man for themselves (even buying and selling as much as get him), we males are primed to unfold our seed.
Hence the need to fulfill, date, and have intercourse with totally different girls.
Of course, this urge can result in disastrous outcomes if left unchecked. That’s why the hot button is to maintain it checked with information and self-discipline. And step one is to know what to anticipate whenever you begin dating a couple of ladies at a time.
Why Do Guys Want Multiple Girlfriends?
Again, by default, we’re slaves to Mother Nature’s designs. Like most organic beings, our major drives are to feed and procreate. That’s why most wholesome males will at all times really feel the urge to fulfill, flirt with, and sleep with new girls.
Now, after all, it’s troublesome to sq. that pure urge with its social ramifications. If monogamy hadn’t developed into the usual for society, every man can be without end locked in a battle in opposition to different males for ladies. Society would stagnate, populated by intercourse wars and deserted kids.
So how do you date a number of girls and nonetheless be a productive, accepted member of society?
Here’s the reply. Most males (and society in basic) don’t distinguish between girlfriends and lovers. And I consider it’s this distinction that holds the perfect answer to the conundrum.
The distinction between “girlfriend” and “lover”
A “girlfriend” is a step in the standard courtship system. It’s one step behind “fiancée,” and two steps behind “wife.” It’s a brief standing for a lady that her man is meant to “upgrade” for her sooner or later in the long run.
Simply put, a girlfriend is a wife-in-training. She and her boyfriend are supposed to love one another completely, getting ready themselves for the trials and tasks of married life.
That is sensible, proper?
Meanwhile, a “lover” is totally different in the sense that there’s nothing romantic between you and her. Your relationship could also be enjoyable, sexual, and thrilling—however, there aren’t any guarantees of “upgrading” on the best way to marriage. Essentially, it’s being part of the hookup tradition the place there’s no dedication. And each event complies with this setup earlier than making issues official.
Unless you subscribe to a polygamic or polyamorous lifestyle, having a number of girlfriends is as unsustainable as it’s controversial, as you’ll quickly see.
The execs and cons of getting a number of girlfriends
When you have got a number of girlfriends, you’ll get the love, affection, and help of a couple of ladies. The downside? Unless you’re dwelling on a brazenly polyamorous lifestyle, your girlfriends ideally won’t know about the different girls in your lives. Ever.
That’s in all probability the one “pro” I can consider. Meanwhile, the “cons” of getting a number of girlfriends are many:
- The unique calls for of all of your girlfriends will be an excessive amount of so that you can deal with.
- If you don’t maintain all of your girlfriends pleased, phrase will in the end get out of your philandering methods, complicating your relationships additional.
- People discovering about your a number of relationships won’t simply damage your fame—it could actually additionally damage your profession. If a phrase of your misbehavior reaches your office, you may lose your job.
So sure—if I have been requested, the dangers and potential downsides of getting a number of girlfriends far outweigh its advantages.
That’s why I heartily recommend the choice…
The execs and cons of getting a number of lovers
The drawback of getting a number of lovers and no girlfriends is that there’s no actual love occurring. Your dates together with your lovers are enjoyable, sizzling, and intercourse-pushed—however, that’s pretty much as good as it will get. If you and your women all stay as much as the settlement, none of them will ever develop into your girlfriend, fiancée, or spouse.
Meanwhile, the benefits are many. If you could find like-minded girls who gladly agree together with your guidelines, then you may take pleasure in the next perks:
- You have decisions—if two of your lovers are unavailable for the weekend, you continue to have a shot with the third, for example.
- It’s way more sustainable because you won’t be paying for his or her lease, gasoline, spending cash, and many others. All it’s essential to spend on are your dates.
- Since expectations are decrease, there’s no jealousy. Your lovers are free to see different males and never let you know if they need them.
- If the phrase did get out that you just have been sleeping around, it wouldn’t damage your fame or profession. After all, you’re technically a single, single man.
- If any of your lovers need to finish the connection, it’s not an enormous deal. No messy breakups or divorces are to be anticipated.
And by the best way: This isn’t new. In some circles, that is referred to as “rotational dating,” and each woman and men do it.
Needless to say, if you wish to date a number of girls, I extremely suggest taking the “lovers” route. It’s easier and simpler, and the dangers are a lot decreased. If you agree, then heed my recommendation earlier than you exit and begin on the lookout for potential lovers.
Tips on Dating Multiple Women
I am unable to say it sufficient: Your success will rely on your self-discipline. I recommend you stick to those guidelines like glue:
Set their expectations
First of all, set the fitting expectations with every lady whom you need to be your lover. Make it clear that you just are not in dedication, and simply need an informal, laid-again, enjoyable relationship—not like a buddies-with-advantages setup.
Here’s a superb system to comply with:
- Meet new girls usually. Be enjoyable and flirty. Be a superb conversationalist.
- Eventually, some girls will such as you sufficient to flirt again. They’ll do that by speaking about intercourse and relationships, mentioning they’ve been single for some time, or hinting they need to be extra than simply buddies.
- You can then point out your availability by telling her one thing like: “I think it’s no one’s business who people hook up with. For instance, if you and I were to hook up, we just need to agree to three things: One, no kissing and telling; Two, no falling in love; And three, no feeling guilty. If either of us can’t agree to those three rules, then we’re better off just being friends. Makes sense, right?”
- Take notice of the chums with advantages guidelines all guys ought to comply with.
If she’s nonetheless, she’ll maintain flirting with you. If she says one thing like, “I like those rules,” then congratulations—you’ve discovered your subsequent lover. Now, you may need to make it official by scheduling your subsequent date—ideally someday quickly, and someplace near your home (or someplace non-public you may take her).
Of course, your mileage could range, so be at liberty to experiment and discover a system that will get you the outcomes you need.
Stick to a few lovers tops
You can flirt with as many ladies as you need however have solely three lovers tops. If you meet every one of them as soon as per week, it’ll take sufficient of your time, cash, power as you may deal with.
If you are feeling you have got the sources to deal with extra, go forward. If you’d like to stay with two lovers as an alternative to three, that’s high quality too. The vital factor is to verify your system works for you, and never the opposite manner round.
Don’t chase; substitute
Lastly, know that none of your lovers shall be round without end. In most circumstances your relationships together with your lovers will final between 2 to 9 months—however, they may finish.
How do lover relationships finish? Here are the most typical methods:
- You are determined to improve your favorite lover into your girlfriend, so it’s essential to cease seeing the others.
- She desires to improve to girlfriend standing, however you’re not in dedication, so that you half methods along with her.
- One of you will get bored of the connection, so that you comply with cease seeing one another.
My final tip is this: Once you let go of a lover, be prepared to interchange her. If you attempt to get her again, that’s an indication you’ve gotten hooked up to her, which implies you broke your personal rule on not falling in love. Chasing her will solely complicate issues and expose you as a wishy-washy man.
So once more—don’t chase. Instead, substitute her.
If you meet sufficient girls usually, then it’s best to have a couple of potential lovers ready in the wings. Go meet them, run them by your system, and see which of them shall be more than pleased to be your new lover.
I hope you see the logic by now. If you do determine to this point a number of girls, it’s greatest to maintain them on the “lover” stage. It’s extra sustainable, it’s extra enjoyable, and also you’ll be making one another pleased for months to return.