“I’m having trouble getting a girlfriend or even just dates. Are my standards too high?” If you’re asking yourself that query, then this text will reply to it for you. And simply in time, too—unrealistically excessive requirements are not going to solely damage your love life but your psychological well-being as properly.
It’s true—when your requirements are too excessive, you’ll have a stark lack of success with girls and dating. Worse, most of your requirements are unconscious. Owing to sure damaging influences, your requirements in dating have turned out to be like foul behavior—not like biting your nails, speaking loudly within the cinema, or taking over two parking slots.
And the worst half? If you allow your requirements too excessive, it’ll lead to a lifetime of loneliness, ache, and frustration.
So, to prevent a couple of good years, I wrote this text. Check yourself to see in case your requirements are too excessive—and what to do proper now if they’re.
How Do We Form Dating Standards?
Whether or not you already know it, it was your surroundings rising up that formed your dating requirements right this moment. In explicit, you had three main influences that gave you your distinctive preferences and deal-breakers with girls.
Check the next three areas in your life. How did they form your requirements in dating?
Your mother and father and friends
First, your requirements have been formed by your mother and father—not essentially what they taught you about girls and dating, however fairly with their relationship with one another. How did your dad deal with your mother? Very properly or very badly? It could have influenced the way you see and deal with girls right at this moment.
Secondly, you have been influenced by the individuals around your age if you have been rising up. Your cousins and schoolmates could have had relationships, and so they formed your expectations as properly.
Think for a second: Are you attempting to sample your splendid relationship after another person’s out of your previous?
TV and the web
Mass media is a serious effect on the best way we expect, say, and do issues in life. As youngsters, we parroted what we noticed in cartoons and anime. Later on, we watched motion pictures and Netflix and thought they represented actual life. If you’ve ever tried to impress a woman with one thing you noticed in a romantic comedy as soon as, you know the way pervasive this effect is.
I’d be cautious of a lot larger effect, although: The Internet. We form our expectations about girls, dating, and intercourse after what’s fashionable on social media, celeb information, and—in fact—porn.
That final one has twisted our requirements unbelievably badly. Ours is an era of confused males and dissatisfied girls.
Lastly, your requirements could have been formed by your earlier experiences with girls:
- Perhaps you bought bullied by an ex-girlfriend, and now you solely need to date submissive or timid girls
- Or perhaps you bought rejected by girls a couple of occasions, and now you assume girls don’t like issues like intercourse and chivalry
- Or maybe the woman you requested to promenade ended up going with one other man, and now you don’t even method girls should you sense the slightest probability of getting rejected
Think about it for a second: Are your dating requirements what they’re proper now due to your experiences with girls? If they’re—and should you’re not having the success you need with girls—now you already know why.
So are your requirements actually too excessive—or do they only really feel that means? Let’s discover out.
Are Your Standards Too High? Five Signs They Are
Here are the 5 largest indicators your requirements with girls and dating are means too excessive. Check yourself in opposition to these 5, and be sincere—which of them are true for you?
Sign #1: You dread assembly girls on first dates
Maybe you’re not scared of ladies, however, the concept of assembly one for the primary time makes you’re feeling tense. There are 1,000,000 questions operating in your thoughts:
- What do you do throughout the date?
- What do you say throughout the date?
- What if she seems to be a Militant Feminist?
- What if she doesn’t just like the issues I like?
- What if I cancel the date on the final minute?
If this sounds such as you, you’re positively overthinking each lady who comes to your means. And sure, it means your requirements are fairly excessive. You’re pondering means too far forward, questioning if she’ll be a “good match” for you if you actually ought to simply concentrate on chilling, having an enjoyable with a brand new particular person, and seeing what they’re like.
Sign #2: You evaluate each lady you meet to your ex
Obviously, this solely applies you probably have a lady (or girls) in your previous who left an impression on you. Perhaps it’s an ex you miss or “the one who got away” or a previous relationship you need to recreate with a brand new lady.
Does any of that sound acquainted?
Not solely is it an unrealistic means to method the dating recreation, but it surely’s additionally unfair to any new lady you meet. You’re depriving her of the proper to be herself and convey the most effective of her to the desk. And that can solely decrease your possibilities of discovering success and happiness within the dating recreation.
Sign #3: The fellas say your requirements are too excessive
Are you studying this text proper now since you ranted to your male buddies about your lack of success with girls, and the fellas mentioned your requirements have been too excessive?
Pro tip: Trust your male buddies. These days, it’s straightforward to get so self-absorbed that we’re blind to our personal flaws. And it takes the fellas—your trusted brothers in arms—to open your eyes to the ugly reality.
Sign #4: You have too many dealbreakers for ladies
Maybe the fellas advised you about excessive requirements after you advised them about your deal-breakers with girls. Maybe you mentioned stuff like
- “I’ll never date women who even remotely look like my ex.”
- “I’ll never date a conservative/liberal.”
- “I’ll never date women of a certain age/race/creed.”
- “I’ll never date women who still text their past hookups.”
- “I’ll never date women who don’t even know who Stephen Hawking is.”
Your deal-breakers could possibly be the rationale why you’re single, can’t get dates, or can’t get matches on Tinder. You could also be forgetting one factor: If a lady “missed her chance” with you, it wouldn’t hassle her one bit—she’s obtained a half-dozen different males in her life ready in line.
Sign #5: You at all times remorse one thing if you assume again on the previous
Lastly, if you assume again about the ladies you’ve met in your life, you’re feeling regretful. You would possibly assume issues like
- “I really missed a golden opportunity with her.”
- “She was the best one I ever had, and I let her get away.”
- , “I said something stupid to this girl and I lost my chance forever.”
- “10 years ago, I did something that turned this one girl off, and I still kick myself mentally for it today.”
- “If I didn’t take her for granted, maybe we’d be together today and I wouldn’t be so lonely and frustrated.”
Do you have these flashbacks that make you cringe, throwing you down a pit of self-loathing?
Believe it or not, however, this can be a hidden signal of super-high requirements. You’re holding yourself to such unrealistic expectations, and you find yourself unconsciously projecting them on the ladies you meet.
Read this rigorously: We’re human. We all make boneheaded errors occasionally. So be taught to look again and chortle as an alternative to cringing each time you consider the previous.
(*5*)My Standards Are Too High: What Should I Do?
Now, what should you have two or extra of the 5 indicators? It means your requirements are too excessive, that’s what. And proper now, you’ve two methods to resolve the issue—comply with them, and also you’ll see a fast enhancement within the success and satisfaction in your love life.
Lower your requirements
Easier mentioned than executed, however, hear me out.
First, you may decrease your expectations concerning dating recreation. You can meet girls to see what they’re like as an alternative of to see whether or not they’ll be a superb girlfriend. (Not so quick!)
You also can let go of half your deal-breakers. Does it actually matter if she prefers to hear Taylor Swift as an alternative to Metallica within the automobile? Does it actually matter if she’s a bit shorter than your splendid lady? And does it actually matter if she has a novel chortle?
You get the concept. By decreasing your requirements, you open yourself up to far more alternatives with girls.
Of course, the hazard is in decreasing your requirements a lot you’ll find yourself settling for a relationship you don’t like. And that’s worse than being single.
So I recommend you do the second factor, as properly:
Meet extra girls extra usually
Go on dates with extra girls! Do it for enjoyment. See in the event that they’re price spending extra time with. If she is, nice. If she’s not, then thank her anyway and transfer on to the following.
Yes, you’ll meet plenty of duds, and most ladies won’t be romantically involved with you. That’s advantageous. If you meet extra girls extra usually, finally you’ll meet some who will probably be. And apart from that, there are methods to appeal to girls who aren’t involved in you.
So should you’re asking: “Are my standards too high?”, now you know the way to inform—and, extra importantly, what to do. Better get to it: Life’s too brief to be lacking out on any extra alternatives.